The valley of parenthood

Maybe it was one too many demands by a forty pound lightweight or the need for a thirty-six hour day, or saying "Yes" when a definitive "NO" is screaming at the frontal lobe or talking to a recorded message which repeats options that apply to everyone else or too many interrupted nights or all of the aboive or none of the above, but I was too loud, too unpleasant and too unreasonable tonight.  "S" went to bed with her feelings hurt and I will go to mine with a heavy heart of her hurt feelings.  For every "Facebook" page that makes it all seem like it's a new hallmark card in the making each and everyday, I am here to say as a mother of two, the grandmother of four and the Nani-mommy of one, it is more like balancing a checkbook; sometimes it all adds up and sometimes you go crazy trying to find that missing penny!  With all my supposed wisdom about children, some merely God-given by the sheer number of days I have interacted with youth, and some through education, I still do not have a clue how to guide without tripping, teach without erring, or discipline without compromise.  I am attempting to mold a piece of clay that is more like a piece of flubber that reshapes with each ping of the moment, while I try to smooth out lumps and create the well- rounded, perfectly symmetrical  vase.  Most of the time, I am reasonable, the grown-up, rationale, and a model, but sometimes I am the tired, "can't take it another minute" , "I won't say it again", reality show mama.  Fortunately, tomorow I will get a chance at a new episode and will try to redeem myself, but the chance of always being patient and kind is not likely.  Even with age, mellow and "I know better", I cannot assure lack of emotion, disappointment or even downright despair.   It is time to admit that parenting is without a doubt the most difficult job in the world, so elephant vasectomist, move down the list, because it is time for moms to rise up in the ratings.